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Post by cv10 on Jul 25, 2018 0:54:44 GMT -6
"Police have announced that notorious mob gunman Bobby 'Piano Wire" Alvari has confessed that he was once hired to beat a rival mobster to death in a rice paddy with two small porcelain figurines. Lead investigators state that this may be the first known case of a nick-knack paddy whack."
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Post by williammiller on Jul 25, 2018 10:32:30 GMT -6
lol...
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Post by marcorossolini on Jul 27, 2018 7:18:03 GMT -6
Alarmed and disturbed that there is an absence of that classic quote that appears in every other AAR thread:
"There appears to be something wrong with our bloody ships today!"
Vice-Admiral Sir David Beatty
Given the situation, I find it quite the stunning understatement.
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Post by oldpop2000 on Jul 27, 2018 22:29:57 GMT -6
My favorite naval quote is:
The USS Turner Joy, a destroyer with three 5"-38's spotted a target off the coast of North Vietnam. Assuming it friendly, a radio call was put out:
"This is the USS Turner Joy, Please identify yourself."
No response.
Signal lights were used: "This is the USS Turner Joy, identify yourself, friend or foe."
No response. Signal lights again:
"This is the USS Turner Joy, identify yourself or we will commence firing"
Answer:
"This is the Battleship USS New Jersey, You may fire when ready!"
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Post by cv10 on Jul 27, 2018 22:40:35 GMT -6
The USS William D. Porter (DD-579) accidentally fired a torpedo at the USS Iowa when the Iowa was carrying President Roosevelt (as well as a number of senior civilian and military leaders) to North Africa for the Cairo Conference. The torpedo missed and for the rest of its unlikely career, the William D. Porter entered harbor to be greeted by the signal:
"Don't shoot! We're Republicans!"
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Post by cv10 on Jul 27, 2018 22:50:41 GMT -6
This one has been debunked as a myth, but it's still funny enough that I'll throw it in. The following "occured" somewhere near Newfoundland:
US Navy Captain: "Divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid collision,"
Canadian: "Negative. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid collision,"
US Navy Captain: "This is the Captain of a United States warship. I say again "divert your course 15 degrees south"
Canadian: "No. I say again, you divert YOUR course 15 degrees north,"
US Navy Captain: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln, accompanied by three cruisers, three destroyers, and numerous support vessels. YOU divert YOUR course or measures will be taken to ensure the safety of this ship!"
Canadian: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
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Post by cv10 on Aug 14, 2018 22:29:44 GMT -6
Here's a old classic that always gets me:
Rick: "How can you close me up?! On what grounds!?"
Inspector Renault: "I am shocked! shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!"
Floor manager: [hands Renault a large sum of money] "Your winnings sir,"
Renault: "Thank you. Everybody out at once."
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Post by cv10 on Jul 16, 2019 9:47:56 GMT -6
"I regret that I was unable to shoot Henry Clay or to hang John Calhoun"
President Andrew Jackson
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Post by dohboy on Sept 13, 2019 11:57:47 GMT -6
"If Lord Palmerston sends the British army to Germany, I shall have the police arrest them."
Otto Von Bismarck in 1864, responding to the British threat of using it's naval supremacy to land it's army in mainland Europe to intervene in the Second Schleswig-Holstein War.
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Post by cv10 on Nov 18, 2019 0:28:13 GMT -6
"No More Coals to Newcastle, No more Hoares to Paris,"
King George V to Anthony Eden on the resignation of Samuel Hoare as Foreign Secretary due to political fallout from the Hoare-Laval Pact.
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Post by cv10 on May 28, 2020 15:04:30 GMT -6
Billy Connolly when asked if he had a criminal record upon his arrival in Australia for a tour:
"I didn't think you still needed one to get in"
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Post by cv10 on Jun 8, 2020 22:48:17 GMT -6
From Patrick O'Brian's The Nutmeg of Consolation. The dear Surprise was in Sydney Harbor and a duel between Dr. Maturin and a civilian official led to ill will with the colonial government:
‘What now?’ called Jack, turning to the door.
‘Here’s a damned thing, sir,’ cried Pullings. ‘The guards at South Point insisted on examining the blue cutter – tried to stop it – Oakes who was in charge said he would blow out the brains of the first man that laid a hand on the gunwale.’
‘Quite right too. The boat was wearing a jack?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘That makes it more monstrous still. I shall report it to the Admiralty; I shall raise it in the House. Hell and death, they will be opening my letters and dispatches next, and sleeping in my cot.’
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Post by cv10 on Jun 18, 2020 23:51:04 GMT -6
From HMS Suprise:
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth!"
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Post by cv10 on Jun 25, 2020 15:48:44 GMT -6
From when that Venezuelan Patrol Boat tried to ram an arctic Cruise Ship with a reinforced bow:
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